This is Me, 16 years ago[Part 1]

I'm gonna start this blog with this entry.  This is me, 16 years ago. 4 years before this ID picture was taken, there were so many horrible things that happened to me. But let's start during the time that made me this way.

I was an only child and I grew up with my mom.  From 3 years old, I already started to learn about life. Together with my mom, I experienced having nothing. This was the time when my mom and dad separated because of unknown reasons. As a child, I never asked why and I never asked where my dad is.  As of now, all I can remember is that it was like I am a ball most especially during holidays or summer vacations. I was like a ball in the sense that, from time to time, my relatives from my father's side come visit my mom and ask her if they could bring me to Manila.  As I child, I was excited to see and learn about new things. At first, it was really nice and amazing.  We go to the zoo, we go shopping, we go to a resort, star city, and others. However, as I grow up, little by little it seems like a responsibility for me so the communication will not stop.  

There was a time when my grandfather was sick and the adults were talking about it.  The adults might not remember it but I still can remember it clearly as it always rings in my memory when I think of the old days.  One of my aunts told me: "if something happens to your grandfather, it is your fault."  From that time, I realized, I wasn't really welcomed there. I told myself, why me?  What did I do? I was just there to visit and have time with my grandparents, with my relatives. I didn't ask them to let my mom go with them during vacations.  Why am I blamed for everything?

When I came back home to Baguio City, I told my mom about it. So, my mom decided not to let me go there anymore.  When I was in 2nd-year high school, I called them and one of my aunts answered my call. She just said without any feelings[I guess] your grandfather is gone. She told me that my grandfather has been gone for a long time. What? And they never told sent me any letter or news? What kind of people are they? They are so cruel. After hearing that bad news. I never got in contact with them and I never visited them again... until one day when I was a university freshman, the youngest sister of my dad came to visit.  She came and ask me to go visit my cousins and other relatives.  That was the last time I got to visit them.