I have never thought of getting married. I just wanted to have a child; however, because of being a foolish person, I was trapped in a life that has made me fall into a deeper depression. After the marriage, I thought I would be free from everything; but it was a mistake. The person whom I thought was my ticket to freedom was a fake. He was the cause of why my family was shattered even more. Because of him, I was accused and hated by my parents just because of money. A sum of money that I even haven't seen or touched. I was poisoned. Ever since I was young, I never had a complete family so I tried my best to hold onto someone whom I never imagined was more talkative than a woman.
He talks a lot. He has stepped on my dignity, my whole being. He thinks he is perfect. He says he admits his mistakes but then when he gets drunk, he would stab you again and again. He has never been considerate of how I or my parents feel to think that his family is very religious. He drinks, he smokes, and speaks without any respect for me nor my parents. In front of people, he speaks nicely but when there is nobody around he would curse people. He looks down on me, though I know I am just a second hand I told him everything about my past. he said, he accepted it but he makes me feel the opposite.
He and his parents have been urging me again and again to give him a child and I did. I had our firstborn on December 10 of 2010. I named her Arhiannah Nhemybelle. I gave her this name taken from the names of our parents and our name. It is quite a long one since I wanted her to be patient. I've got my broken heart once again when my baby girl got sick. The words he said to me was stuck in my heart until now. We didn't have enough money at that time but I asked him to buy even just an ordinary milk for our daughter. All he said was " I don't have money! Why don't you just get my eyes out and sell it!" I was so hurt with those rejections. I wasn't asking money for me, I was asking him to buy milk for our daughter but that was all he said; however, when it comes to wine or cigar-he did have money to buy.
I was hurt, really really hurt. I pity my daughter so much but I was helpless. I have no one to help me, I have no one to run to, I got nothing since I had to stop working. Again depression has swallowed me whole but he never cared about it. He never thought why I suddenly don't talk much, why I just keep quiet, why I started not to care that much. I forgot myself. I forgot everything about me. Then here comes our second daughter. On January 5th, 2012, I gave birth to our second daughter. I was lucky she is a healthy baby girl. I thought he would change but it seems like it was only a dream. Instead of being happy, he was complaining about why I gave birth to a girl. What can I do? I'm not a magician that can change something into another.
Seeing him not being able to handle our financial matters, I decided to look for a job. I was able to get a job after 3 months of giving birth. Yes, I started working -thus it was the beginning why my kids started to be distant from me. He worked as a garbage collector so we had to hire a nanny for our kids. He called in the lady who used to work for us when we had a small business in the city but then, we still lack finance. Then he called his cousin from the province that was the time I started working in another company and I got enough salary to support the family. I gave him all I've got. I thought he was giving the salary of his cousin, only to find out that he didn't when his cousin was asking me for her salary. I was devasted. I've been working so hard, where did he put the money. where is his salary from the local government? ☹️☹️☹️☹️
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